Virtual Therapy by Ella James


While theres no angry personality,” the following attitudes and habits may relate to chronic anger and resentment. 

Fragile ego 

Anger evolved in mammals as a protective emotion. It requires a perception of vulnerability plus threat. The more vulnerable we feel, the more threat well perceive. (Wounded and starving animals can be ferocious.) In modern times, the threats we perceive are almost exclusively to the ego


In relationships, my right to get what I want supersedes your rights not to give me what I want. 

Focus on things out of personal control 

In relationships, they focus on manipulating their partners’ behaviour and attitudes. In relationships, they focus on manipulating their partners’ behaviour and attitudes. 

External regulation of emotions 

They try to regulate their emotions by controlling their environment. Emotions are not in the environment. Emotions are in us, and thats where they must be regulated. 

Refusal to see other perspectives 

They perceive different perspectives as ego-threats. 

Low tolerance of discomfort 

Discomfort is typically due to low physical resources – tired, hungry, sleep-deprived. They confuse discomfort with unfair punishment. As with many toddlers, discomfort quickly turns to anger. 

Low tolerance of ambiguity 

Certainty is an emotional, not an intellectual state. To feel certain, we must limit the amount of information we process. Ambiguity necessitates processing more information, which they see as a potential ego-threat. 

Hyper-focus on blame 

Theyre more concerned with attributing fault for problems than solving them. This makes them powerless to improve their experience. Those they blame live rent-free in their heads and dominate their thoughts and feelings.